Ballroom Dancing and Marriage

So, I'm sitting here eating my lunch of tomato soup with entirely too much cheese in it for someone who is supposed to be on a diet.  And I'm browsing the Black Hole Of Time And Productivity, also known as Facebook.  I came across this article talking about how this writer "isn't a feminist and that's okay".

I liked the article, particularly because of how she explained that had she been alive in the early 1900's, she'd have likely been a feminist.  Back then, equal pay for equal jobs, the right to vote, and the right to work without being thought a bastion of evilosity (Kacktionary) were the hallmarks of the original feminist movement.  I'm with you, Ms. Sankey.  (See, I don't know if she's married or not, but I suspect that someone capable of writing that post is probably okay with being called Ms. even if she'd rather be a Miss or is supposed to be a Mrs.)  The original feminist movement was common sense.  Now, though, it has been hijacked to include things that devalue human life, that are illogical, and that are repressive to any woman who doesn't perform obeisance to the current platform of ideas.  (I'll let you decide what those things are.)

But that's not what I came here to get off of my mind.

Today, we finished up a homeschool ballroom class for some area high schoolers.  It was so fun, and some of those kids had to step all the way out of their comfort zone to do what they did.  I was so proud to be able to help them!  I didn't teach it; rather, I was the assistant, the official kitten-herder, and the demonstration lackey.  Perfect for me, and good for the kids because the real teacher has a LOT of experience teaching kids as well as adults.

This has ballroom on my mind at the moment and that combined with the article I read is why I'm wanting to share some thoughts.  See, I'm one of "those" women who takes the Bible's directions for a healthy marriage to heart.  I figure if I'm going to believe some of the Bible, I might as well believe all of it, right?  But, I really don't want to sound all "boy, aren't I just the best woman ever because I don't get my knickers in a twist when I hear the word 'submit'?".  I say all that to say that I agree with the premise that a strong family needs a singular leader in order to maintain order.  That leader needs to be able to have a right-hand (wo)man who can basically take charge and run things in a manner that they both agree is best for said family.

A good marriage is not too different from a really good pairing on the dance floor.

Within a strong dance couple, the man is a strong leader.  He leads the dance based on what he feels is best for the music and best for the partner he has in his arms.  He doesn't try to lead his partner into steps that she hates or doesn't do well, because they will both feel awkward and look ridiculous.  It won't work if he's always waiting around for her to back lead him into something, because back leading never looks as good as proper leading.  The lady, on the other hand, has got to be strong to be able to follow that lead.  If her arms are spaghetti and her mind is elsewhere, she will always have a scared deer look in her eyes and will usually be a step behind what he's trying to do.  They've both got to be strong, focused, and committed to the dance in order for it to both look good and for them to have fun.  And she has GOT to follow his lead.  If she gets it in her head that they are going to do something else other than what he has in mind, they will jumble up and, again, look ridiculous.

Here's the thing.  When a couple has been dancing together for a long time, he knows what she's expecting to do and she knows what he's going to do, and they've probably talked enough about what they like and don't like so that they now can just relax and enjoy the movement and the music.  They can learn new things together and get better and they do it under the same formula - he leads, she follows.

You see where I went with that.  All that I said is perfectly true about a dancing partnership and it's all true about marriage as well.

My marriage isn't perfect.  No marriage is.  While that hardly needs to be said, I feel like I need to include that ubiquitous clarification so that I don't have to make a long statement about how I don't want to come off as some self righteous know-it-all who has all the answers and who is 24/7 peaceful with her husband and kids and whose bookshelves are never dusty.  ::rolling my eyes::  Y'all, I'm a big mess of inconsistency and partial-crazy and I by no means have an unfailing handle on right vs. wrong.  (See, I went ahead and made that long statement anyway.  I just hate the "my marriage isn't perfect either" stuff, because you never can tell if someone is just saying that to try to keep you from feeling bad.)

What I have is some experience with ballroom dancing, and a tiny 14 years experience with marriage, and a mind that likes to overthink things, and a lifetime of Primitive Baptist upbringing.  All that mushed together results in posts just like this one, and now I've been able to share my mush.  :-)

Thoughts From The Lawnmower

So, we have a pretty decent sized yard now.  While, technically, you could mow it with a pushmower, it would take a *really* long time.  So, we have a riding lawnmower.  I love cutting the yard!  It takes me somewhere between 2 1/2 and 3 hours to cut it, and it makes for some very nice "me" time.  Plus, it has the benefit of allowing me to start a job and finish.  My primary occupation is raising children, and that is obviously not a job where you get to place a period at any given time.   So, cutting the grass is good for me.

And, it gives me a lot of uninterrupted thinking time.  That little blessing is in short supply, most days.  Having hours to begin a thought and then keep thinking about it and then allowing it to create this lovely gossamer of connections in my brain is a little bit like eating chocolate while you're dieting.  It feels decadent and quite like a reward.

Well, I got to cut the grass on Wednesday afternoon.  We were scheduled to have some pretty long rains, and all the weeds are vociferously stretching for attention, so I rearranged some other things and hopped on the mower.  Earlier this week, a former first lady, Nancy Reagan, had passed away, and I got to thinking about her.  I've always held both her and President Reagan in high regard.  Not just for the way he governed and she managed the White House, but for the intense love they had for each other and the way they shared those emotions with anyone who watched.  It was genuine.  You knew it was.  And, in politics, seeing real feelings that are good and pure have a way of connecting you to a person or couple.

So, I got to thinking about her passing and my first thought was "oh, she must have been so joyously happy to see her Ronnie again."  That thought was immediately followed by "but that's not who she should have been joyously happy to see."

When I think of passing away, I think of those who have already left.  I think of the possibility that my Jason will be the one I am longing to see again and how much that anticipation will fill my thoughts.  But I should be deeply longing to see my Lord.  Why isn't that my first thought?  We long for those we lived with here, because we spent time with that person and invested in that person.

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Okay, so dig more deeply into His word and spend more time in prayer and in communion with Him.  Develop a relationship with Him that comes to mind during the day as I think of friends and those I love.

But, not having that physical relationship - being able to see, touch, hold, care for - keeps the relationship from feeling like the one I have with my husband or my children or my parents or my siblings.  In my head, I know I should long to see Him, and so I do.  But it's not the same as longing for human beings who have gone on.  And it makes me feel quite guilty as well as desirous of changing the relationship I have with Him so that I can feel that longing.

I long for Him to come back and take us all home.  That is a deeply felt desire of mine now.  But when I am passing away, will I feel that same urge for Him as I will feel for those people here that I loved?

You know, I don't know.  But just typing this out has made me remember that investment of time matters.  And I am not really investing the kind of time I need to in order to develop not just professorial knowledge, but also emotion and desire - that kind of desire that can at times overwhelm your heart.  Maybe just knowing that this desire is a goal of mine will help to bring it about, because I will be putting my treasure of thoughts into Jesus Christ more often.  And eventually, as I am leaving this world, I may be longing for those already gone, with Jesus being the first one on that mindful list.

Missing Them In The Other Room

Hi there!

I don't think anyone other than maybe the Hubs (because he told me last night that he does still come over here from time to time) still visits.  It's just like everyone else's situation in that Facebook, IG, and other 140 character thoughts dominate our sharing of our minds and hearts.  I'm not too worked up over it, really.  I haven't been here in three years.

Except that I have a sieve-like memory, and I hate that.  So, I'm going to try to get thoughts on virtual paper as often as I can so I don't forget things entirely and so that "one day" my kids will have this to hold on to, if they need it.

So, today is the start of our Spring Break in our homeschool, but I had some articles due for a local magazine for which I write.  (That's Parents & Kids, btw.)   I told my kiddos that under penalty of tragediacal (check your Kacktionary) pain, they were in no way to come into the school room and talk to me while I get these finished up.  They, for the most part, have left me alone.

Now, I hear them in there talking, sometimes arguing, and generally playing around.  And I miss them.  :-)  I'm so glad that I miss them and that I'm able to feel that feeling instead of having the feeling of "ugh, I don't *want* to get up and go deal with the kids".  Don't misunderstand - I'm no saint.  I have the latter feeling plenty of times.  Any mom who says she doesn't is either fibbing or really needs to start educating the rest of us.  But, today, I miss them, and I'm ready to go in there and settle down the arguments and tell them that I'm through with that work and ready to engage again.

Which is good, because I need to get them fed and get people ready to hit activities this afternoon!

P.S.  This post will be tagged with "Thoughts From The Lawnmower", but I'll explain that one in a later post.  I have to be reasonable about how I share my thoughts - if I want to do it, I need to do it concisely or it won't get done!