I posted that last entry on Monday with much trepidation. Believe me - it's much easier to just share about the light and joyful and pretend that the roses are always blooming and the kids are always cute. And cooperative.
But it's not always like that, and even though we all KNOW this to be true, admitting it out loud almost feels like a failure. Which is perfectly ridiculous, but I never claimed to be completely rational. Yet, in spite of my shortcomings - numerous though they are - God has blessed me with some friends that are truly my life jackets. I got one email from a high school friend who commiserated by sharing this:
As women we have so many roles - wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend,housekeeper, trashlady, teacher............list goes on and on...........Iwas just saying to one of my coworkers this morning when do I get to be just"Eli" anymore??? I don't, I am too busy being too many things to too manyother people, etc...................yet - why do I feel so alone? And likeI don't have anyone to just pick up the phone and call? I don't know either. I just keep trying.............everyday.
Eli - thank you for that. You summed up a lot in those few sentences.
Rebecca, thank you for letting me know that you have felt the same things. I'll be praying for y'all's house to sell quickly too!
Mom, thank you for the good words about teaching.
SueSue, thank you for calling to tell me about the ballet class. I needed to laugh with you!
The greatest thing that happened yesterday was getting a call from a dear friend who lives too far away in Connecticut. She barely finished reading the entry before she called me. She quickly saw that it wasn't so much about schooling the kids as it was about other more pressing, and more difficult to explain, things. And she talked with me, cried with me, I shared some problems that I was having, and she shared right back. It was so good to be able to be in the boat with some one else. To be able to cry and get it all out and know that I'm not alone and that if I don't learn how to cope with this stuff when it arises, I'm in for an unnecessarily tough journey. I know that I should always be uplifted thru prayer..... but when someone cries with you and for you - that catharsis is the answer to the almost unspoken three word prayer that Elaine Housley reminded me about. "Lord, have mercy".
Boo, THANK YOU for taking the time to call me. I wish I was as good of a friend to you as you are to me. I want to do better. You helped me turn a corner, and I appreciate it so much. You are a gift to me - thank you for talking me off of the ledge! I still need to play hooky one night, but I do promise that I'll take that ice cream break soon. The weather didn't cooperate last night, unfortunately.
Emotional, sometimes irrational people we women can be. But God sends blessings to us in the form of friends, and I hope that I don't forget this lesson that I learned yesterday. KDBoo, you are a true gem. A ruby.
Thank you all for the prayers, for the advice. For understanding. (CAB - we actually do have quiet/nap time here. And, I am adamant about it. But, for the past two weeks, I've been making a real attempt to exercise during that time. So, I've felt like I haven't gotten a break, even though I have. But, as it is with all things, it takes about a month to make something a habit or a routine. Hopefully in a couple more weeks, nap/quiet time will go back to feeling like the break for me that it should be!)
And, now, something else that actually garnered a smile from me yesterday.
This is a neato combination of physics and art - in Japan. You don't need sound to enjoy it, but it is nice to hear the water as it hits the pool at the bottom. Take 5 or so minutes and enjoy!