Another PG update. Hmm.

This morning, I had my "targeted ultrasound" (I think it may have some other fancy name like Level 2 or something along those lines, but I'm not sure), which was scheduled a month ago.  This ultrasound is recommended for women who qualify in the exclusive AMA program.  For those unfortunate pregnant women who don't qualify, there is still hope.  Just get pregnant after you are 35, and you too can be told you are of an Advanced Maternal Age, and you too can go through your pregnancy with the "you're old and your ovaries are pruning" cloud hanging over your head too!  Skipeedeedoo!!!

Sorry.  Got to brush the chip off my shoulder....  hold on.....

There.  Okay.  So, I was a good patient and went for this expensive targeted ultrasound as requested by my OB.  The purpose of this procedure is to give an actual M.D. the chance to take a close look at different things of the developing baby to see if there is a possibility of a variety of chromosomal issues and/or birth defects.  They check for markers for things like Down's Syndrome, Trisomy-18 (13? 21?), cleft palettes, spinal defects, hydrocephalus, other brain "issues", and some other things that I can't remember right now.

So, the wonderful news is that, according to appearances, Sparkie seems to be very healthy and doesn't have any markers for any future problems.  Of course, this doesn't mean there won't be problems, but medicine isn't an exact science no matter what they do.  Point is, so far so good.

The news that has me on edge is that when they measured the hematoma area, it measured larger than it ever did at the OB's office.  ::drumming my fingers on the keyboard as I try to figure out what to say::

Okay, here's the thing.  The likelihood that this measurement is more correct than the other measurements, I think, is pretty high.  This guy gets paid to see the two holes in the developing baby's heart (that are supposed to be there at this stage of the game) when the heart is the size of a pencil eraser. He likely measured the hematoma correctly.  Which means that the OB office's measurements are not 100% accurate.  BUT, we have to consider the fact that different people were doing the measuring, different machines were used, a different amount of time was spent on the ultrasound in general....  there are plenty of reasons for the discrepancies.  Plus, add to that, that no matter what the actual measurements are, the hematoma IS shrinking according to the sonograms from the OB.  At least, it did from Tuesday last week to this past Tuesday.

So, somewhere in my head, I understand that I don't need to get hung up on the actual measurements.  I need to focus on the overall picture.  My problem is that until I can get the OB's office to verify measurements, shrinkage, etc, I'm on edge.  I can't help it.  I'm nervous about whether or not the forward progression that we've made has actually reversed.

But, see, Sparkie's actual growth is right on target.  Her measurements are right on target.  She's apparently more limber than a Cirque du Soleil cast member.  (Not really a big deal for babies in utero, but it's still funny to look at).  Her heart is strong (praise God!) and whatever is going on with the hematoma isn't affecting her growth at all.  I don't have a good reason to be feeling nervous again.

Don't you wish you could still bend like this???  We called her our little baby taco.  Or baby fajita.  Mostly, I think we made the medical staff a little nervous about our overall state of mind.  Or maybe they just didn't appreciate our advanced sense of humor.  Ah-hem.

But I can't help it.  I just want to get this baby here and it seems like such a very, very long time between now and August.  And I know that God is in this - that if He wants this baby born, then she WILL be born no matter how many sub-chorionic hematoma/hemorrhages I develop.  But the lacking-in-faith, man-not-God-centered part of me that keeps making noise in my mind has me thinking about all the things that could go wrong.  It's not right - crazy in fact - and my head KNOWS it.  But I can't shake the worry from my heart.

I'll be more serious about my directives to take it easy until next Tuesday.  I enjoyed a wonderful sermon last night, but I will forgo the rest of the special meeting until Sunday morning.  And I will try my hardest to cooperate with Jmk when he tells me "stop - I've got this".  I'm close to feeling a little scared again, and I shouldn't.  I know I shouldn't.  UGH!!!

Speaking of Jmk, he was able to be there this morning.  My mom and dad took Tooter to Dad's office so that Poodle could come with us.  Jmk has had to miss all the many other sonograms that I have had during this pg, so it was SO nice for him to be able to see this one.  And, it was a good long one, so this was definitely the one to see!  And Poodle enjoyed it too, although I'll admit that she did get a little bored towards the end when it seemed like they kept doing the same thing over and over.  They weren't, of course, but it certainly seemed like that to a five year old.

Anyhoo, there's the latest.  We are as much in need of prayers as ever.  Maybe more for my peace of mind than the actual physical part of all of it.  I don't even know any more.  I just keep thinking about the first time that I'll get to hold this little girl, and I want so much to make it to that time.  We have no guarantee - but I can guarantee this.  Jmk and I will never, ever take for granted the miracle and blessing of a baby that is born alive and healthy.

Pray for us.  We need that more than you can imagine!