Welcome to America. Now, please, shush.

I would like to offer my gracious Southern welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Beckham. They are here legally, with a legitimate reason for being here. Hoorah.

And, now, please, won't you just shush. Despite what you are lead to believe, you are NOT royalty. You are NOT, quite frankly, all that interesting. And, while, I suppose I have to accept Mr. Beckham's being on the cover of SI, since he does kick a mean soccer ball, I really, really don't want to start seeing pictures of both of you every where.

I realize that my desire to not see updates of your life on a daily basis is not likely to be fulfilled. So, I hope you understand that I will be ignoring you and your pictures. I really don't care about where you live, who your friends are, and what you think about Los Angeles. I'm not terribly concerned about what clothes you're wearing, where you eat your dinner, or where your initials are on your Bentley. (rolling eyes).
I do have some concern about how your children are handling this monumental change in their life, but I'm sure their multiple nannies will be there for them as you peacock for the cameras.

Good luck with the whole "trying to energize the sport of soccer" thing. I used to enjoy watching my brother play soccer. Soccer is a great game!

Um. You do realize we aren't too far from the NFL pre-season, shortly followed by the commencement of college football, right? Just making sure.