"Run Your Own Race"

Or:
"Keep Your Eyes On The Goal Or You're Going To End Up Running Into The Neighbor's Grass And Falling Down"

Last night, we had a wonderful meeting-of-the-moms with our homeschool support group.  The primary purpose was to bring and share curriculum choices and to talk about things that are and are not working for us as individual teachers.

It was very wonderful for me to have some time to talk with some other mothers who have the same educational philosophies that I do - and to talk about certain book list choices that I am getting ready to put on our shelves.  Lots of good things happened last night, but one thing in particular has been on my mind today.  I was talking with my sweet friend (and church sister) Karen, who was relating to me a sermon that she heard from Elder Philip Conley that dealt with running your own race.  Essentially, keeping your eyes on the "prize", (i.e. Jesus Christ) and keeping your path towards Him straight and true.  There were other things that she mentioned about the sermon itself, but it was how she related that to homeschooling in general that made so much sense to me.  And, as I thought about that concept today, I thought about how it relates to life.  To parenting.  To dealing with children and family and co-workers and friends and clients and neighbors and on and on....

When we're talking about things regarding life as we live it, there are a number of goals that we have for ourselves and our family.  And even if we have the same goal as someone next to us, the path to that goal may be very different.

For example.  In my own family, I want my children to have an education that is part of their becoming whole, well-rounded, vital citizens and that encourages them to become lifelong learners.
But, the path to that same goal is going to be vastly different for Poodle than it is for Tooter.  (And likely as equally different for Sparkie).  Because they are such different people with such different learning styles already.  And it is definitely going to be different for my children than it will be for another family's children.  But, if I am always looking over my shoulder to see what the family down the road is doing, than I'm going to have to take my eyes off of my own goals.  And I'm going to wobble.

Just like watching the kids ride their bikes.  When they are looking straight forward and paying attention to what they are doing and where they are going, then they stay right on the sidewalk and do a great job. But the first time they look behind them to see what everyone else is doing or they start watching their own shadows or they watch a car pass by in the road, they all of a sudden start veering into the neighbor's yard and usually end up either stopping or tipping over.

I realize this isn't a new concept for life in general.  It has probably been the subject of a whole lot of speeches and a whole lot of pre-game motivational talks.  But, it helped me, personally, to be reminded of that last night.  And, I thought that maybe someone else could use that reminder as well.  Just because my friend down the road did something a certain way to reach her goal doesn't necessarily mean that this is the way I need to do it in order to reach my goal.  Whether we're talking about curriculum choices or relationship choices or free time choices or family choices.

There are different paths to the same goal when it comes to life.  And that's why we have a big responsibility to be true to ourselves when traveling down those paths.

Thankfully, there is only one path to Heaven - thru the blood of Jesus Christ.  And, as the song goes....  "I'm so glad that salvation's free".

Conversations with Tooter

From the back of the van on the way home from birthday present shopping and lunch:

Poodle:  Mommy, what day is it?

Me:  It's Tuesday.

Poodle:  Okay.

Tooter (who had an extra spoonful of contrary cereal this morning, apparently):
 It's not Tuesday, it's Oneday!

A milestone reached

Poodle called for her first song yesterday during song service at church.  :-)

For those non-PB types out there, our worship service goes like this:  we have 30 minutes of a cappella congregational singing, followed by an opening prayer, preaching, a closing song (usually with a handshake) and then a closing prayer.  During the congregational singing, folks call out the songs they want to sing.  (Not that way in all PB churches - sometimes, the song leader(s) pick the songs....)

Yesterday, Poodle asked me what she had to do to ask for a song.  I told her when we finish this one that we're singing, that she needed to call out the number she wanted really loudly.  I asked her which song she wanted to sing.  She said "which number is Amazing Grace?".  I told her it was 154.

And she called it out!  It took an extra song for her to get heard, and I actually had to call the number myself to get the sound all the way to the front of the church, after some folks at the front said that a child in the back had called a song.  (We're pretty particular about supporting our children being involved with the worship service.  There's nothing better than the sound of babies crying and children participating in church).  But, she called out her first number.  It was really meaningful to me.  And, it's not like a rite of passage in the church or anything like that.  It's just a big deal to me to have the guts to speak out that loudly with all those grownups sitting around you.
:-)

I'm proud of you Poodle.  That was a big girl thing you did.

What we did today.

I took the kids to the Y to sign them up for swim lessons.  Then we went to the park for a playdate with some other families in our homeschool group.  Then one of the other moms and I took our kids to a pizza buffet for lunch.

Pretty non-eventful for most folks, but it was a huge thrill for me to be able to do this!  Sometimes I just need to have things taken away so that I can fully appreciate the blessings that I had in the first place.  God is good!!!

Praise Report!!!

Hallelujah!!!

Sparkie was not-so-cooperative with the camera today.  So, she gave us a wave and politely asked us to step off and let her go back to sleep, thankyouverymuch.

There have been a lot of bended knees in our house and on our behalf.  There have been untold numbers of prayers offered for Sparkie and for her gestation.  I am so glad, so grateful, to be able to say that God has answered those prayers in a most magnificent and merciful way!!!

Had an OB checkup/sonogram today to check on the hematoma - and they could not find it.  It has been resolved.  The bleed has been absorbed into my body and is no longer a threat at this time!  Yes, there is a slim chance that it could reoccur.  But, that is rare.  Yes, there is always a possibility that the sonographer missed seeing something.  But, that is unlikely with all her experience.  I have been released from limited activity orders and life has just gotten miles easier!!!

Not only does this bring a physical freedom that we've been missing, but it also brings a much desired emotional freedom and release from worry.  I do still have to be reasonable about things and be mindful of the care that is necessary when growing a wee one.  But, I can take the kids swimming this summer now.  I can take them for walks in the neighborhood now.  I can take them to the park and on playdates and on school outings.  We can go to the grocery store to pick up milk and bananas anytime we need them.  We can run up to the bookstore or library to see if they have something that we just *have* to have.

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who came and picked up the kids and got them out of the house when I couldn't do it.  Those times of release from house arrest for them was priceless.  Of course, we welcome all takers who want to get them out from here on also!  :-)  They love, love, love having the chance to go and do without Mommy or Daddy around.

My only hiccup of the day, if you can even call it that, is.....  get this....  I have to gain some weight.  lol....  wooohoooo!!!  It's the first, and I assure you will be the last, time those words will be uttered to me.  But, for some weird reason, I've only gained 10 lbs so far.  Who knows why.  I've got two young ones.  My food aversions and nausea lasted longer this time.  My day is physically active as opposed to being restful at a desk.  It's 2009.  Who knows.  Whatever!!!  Talk about having a non-problem, huh?  I better enjoy it now, because I have a LOT of weight to lose after Sparks gets here.  I, um, well.....  let's just say I didn't start this pregnancy at an ideal weight for my body type.  ::grin::

Anyway, Jmk and I can not utter enough appreciation to all who have prayed us through this time.  And who will continue to pray us through the rest of the pregnancy.  We are acutely aware of the absolute miracle of a baby being born healthy and alive, and we take nothing - not one single day of this - for granted.  Thank you so much for loving us enough to pray for us.  God has been merciful to us, and we are so grateful for his gracious blessings!

This was the only other picture from today.  She apparently spends so much time with her legs back over her head like some Cirque du Soleil artist, that it was hard to get a decent picture of her.  But that's one good looking spine, eh?

Some recent quotes that I liked

From Kat, who just simply has a way with words, described how she gets thru her day with 3 kids 6 and under and a special "challenge" on top of all that:

Every few minutes, I pray for grace to get through the next hour or so. God is faithful, just as he is to you, and he gives me just what I need to manage for the next little bit. None of this "Here, have enough grace to make it through the next few days." Oh, no, it's "Here, here's enough grace to make it through cooking lunch. Then come back and see me and we'll negotiate snacktime." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Rhonda, who I think got this from an email forward:

Whenever God closes one door, He always opens another - even though sometimes it's Hell in the hallway.

Product Recommendations

I don't usually do this, but I have gotten a couple of things lately that I have to compliment.

First, is a hair straightener (flat iron).  The Remington Wet 2 Straight .  This is a fantastic product!  I know that the Chi is sort of the gold standard for flat irons.  Because of the price of those, though, I never could talk myself into getting one, since I wasn't that great about "doing" my hair every day anyway.  Thus, I can't compare this product to the Chi.  BUT, the Remington works so great!  It's only about $25'ish at Wally World, it has a programmable heat function, you can use it on wet hair (I haven't tried this yet), AND it has a turn-off feature!  Very important for me, because I have some mental block about turning off flat irons half the time.  It is super effective - great product.

Second, is a vacuum cleaner.  The Dyson DC25 Animal .  I really do heart this vacuum cleaner.  We used a 20% discount coupon at Bed Bath and Beyond to get it, and so far, it is living up to all its claims.  Because of the wood flooring that we put down, we needed something that would go easily from hard surface flooring to rugs and then back again.  Because of the easy-to-get-to switch for turning off the rotating brushes, it does a great job on hard surface flooring.  Then, it quickly goes back to being able to handle carpet/rug areas.  The ball feature is fantastic.  It takes almost no effort to turn the machine, which is good for me right now.  (No, I promise I'm not vacuuming every day.  I'm being good!)  I haven't used the mini turbine head attachment (the only thing that makes this different from the regular DC25 model), so I can't yet say whether or not it's worth the extra cost.  The only con to this machine that I have encountered is that the cord is just too short.  It really ought to be another 3 or 4 feet longer than it is.  But, other than that, it is a good machine.  I really, really like being able to empty the canister after each use.  Getting dust and such out of the house is a necessity around here.
It IS very pricey.  Very pricey.  I have been wanting one for a long, long time, but wouldn't ever "let" Jmk go get it.  It just seemed like way too much money to spend on a vacuum cleaner.  But, when we got the new flooring and had sooooo many flooring transitions to deal with, the cost became a little less scary.  My sweet SIL told us it was the best money she ever spent.  So, we sort of lumped it into all the other home improvements costs.  Great vacuum!

That's all for the commercials.  Back to your regularly scheduled programs!  :-)

Earth Day at the Zoo

I will admit to not being a huge fan of the whole "Earth Day" thing.  I won't get into all the hypocrisy of all of it, because I just don't feel like it.  :-)
BUT, Poodle does do some Disney channel watching and some PBS watching during parts of the day/week.  Thus, she has picked up on some of the Earth Day terminology in spite of me.  She informed me a couple of days ago that "Earth Day" was this Saturday (I know it was Wednesday - that's part of what I found humorous about what she was taking from the info that she was getting) and that we had to turn off all of the faucets and the lights and clean up the house and the plants and then everyone would get candy and treats.

lol.....  WhatEver!!!

I'll explain the difference between responsible conservation and making an idol out of the Creator's creation after the hooplah has settled from the kids' shows.
Candy and treats anyone?  Apparently Saturday is the day!  ::grin::

Conversations with Poodle

Mommy, what does "main" mean?  As in "the main point I want to make is"...?

Well, main is the same as primary thing or the most important thing.  For example, the main sail on a boat is the biggest sail.  (Robert, forgive me if that was terribly off.  It made sense to her).  What do you think the main ingredient is in bread?

Ummm - flour.

Very good!  Okay, what is the main reason to go to church?

Ummm - to sing to Jesus!


:-)
I thought that was sweet.  I did tell her that she was correct and that we also went to worship Jesus, but I love hearing what children are really thinking.  So I didn't "fix" what she said right away.

Anyway!  Speaking of children, we've named Sparkie!  No, her real name isn't going to be Sparkie.  It's just what she's likely to get called around here.  :-)  If you'd like to see her real name, you'll need to go to our website and click on the Baby's Page link.  Following my brother's advice, I'm going to continue to not use the kids' names on the blog.  I realize that if someone was determined enough, they could figure out everything.  I'm just hopeful that no one that crazy is paying any attention to us.

If'n you don't remember the website address (which is okay, since it is rarely updated and thusly not very interesting to go see), it is our last name with an "s" on the end and a "the" at the beginning with a dot and a com.   :-)

Le Behbeh Update

Hmmm.  I guess, technically, that should be La Behbeh.  But since Behbeh isn't a word in any language anyway, at least spelled that way, it doesn't really matter.  And, I have to got to let go of the le's and la's and get comfortable with the el's and la's...  Poodle starts Spanish next year.  And I have taken nothing but French!

Sparkie in an "oy, vey!" pose.  Legs straight up in the air, hand placed oh so dramatically on her delicate forehead.  ;-)

ANYway (sorry for the mental derailment there), I had my sonogram checkup at the OB this morning.  Unfortunately, the bleed/clot/hematoma/hemorrhage has grown a bit.  It went up to 3.2 cm in length and a portion of it has gotten wider as well.  Something like 1.3 or 1.4 cm where it was below 1 last time.

But.  I haven't had any additional bleeding.  Sparkie is growing just as she should.  And she's extremely active with all the pieces parts seeming to be in place.  And the increase isn't huge.  So, while it's not great news that the blood clot has increased a little bit in size, I'm not too worried or even frustrated.  It's okay.  It really is.  If it is God's will for her to be born alive, she WILL be born alive.  There isn't a blood clot in the world that will stop that.  And, I have another 2 week pass from the OB before the next sonogram with the same orders of limited activity.  No bed rest.

There are a lot of summer plans that are on hold right now - all kinds of trips and reunions and church activities and I just found out about a family wedding the 2nd weekend in July.  Lots of things we want to do and may not be able to do.  And you know what - I'm not even stressed about it.  Usually, I'd be so worried about "what will people think if we aren't there or don't go" and "but it would mean so much to so and so for us to have the kids there" and "this only comes around every fill-in-the-blank years".  Now, I feel none of that.  Nothing is more important than doing what I have to do to help this baby gestate as long as she can without additional difficulties.  It's a good feeling, and it's the way I'm supposed to feel.  I have no idea if this is actually one of the lessons that God is teaching me through this challenge, but I'm grateful for it.  To lay down the worries of what everyone else wants and to focus on what's truly important.  I have always had problems with that.

Anyway, we are all doing fine and are positive and can feel the prayers for the peace that passeth understanding.  Thank you for those - for the entreaties that God is answering so abundantly.  We love y'all!

Easter morning pics

We took a few to share!  My favorite is this one of Jmk and the kids.  :-)

All three kids.  :-)  Mommy *had* to be in the pic for this one.

And a progress tummy shot.  20 weeks and 5'ish days.  We are over half way there!  She seems to be strongly growing which is encouraging.  I go back on Wednesday for another sonogram to check on the hematoma.  We're praying for it to be smaller.  The good news is that there has been no further bleeding.

Actually, she has gotten big enough that Jmk can press on my tummy and feel her kick, if she's riled up enough.  I don't remember his being able to do that this early with the other kids.  Of course, I can barely remember last week, so it's certainly possible that he could have.

Anyway, we are all "trapped" in the master bedroom today while the floor guys are here working.  We are SO excited to have finally made it to this week to get our new floors.  Jmk has done SO much work (all on his own, since I could do nothing at all to help) in demolition work to get ready for their arrival today.  And we're all sleeping on mattresses on the concrete floor right now.  But, by the end of this week, we'll have nice new floors and we are so grateful to be able to do this.  And I am so grateful for a husband who put in so much back-breaking work by himself to get us to this point.  (And to Tim who let us use one of the dumpsters at one of his job sites.  He saved us a ton of money in dump fees!)  And I won't brag too much more about how wonderful Jmk is, but he has never one time complained about all the work and never once said or did anything that made me feel bad (or, at least, any worse than I already did) about not being able to help him.  I love you honey!!!

Here are some demo pictures just for fun:

Up comes the kitchen flooring.  He rented a floor scraper for this job, and thank goodness for that!  It's not that this floor was of poor quality...  it really was a great floor.  But, it was green.  You know?  When we bought the house almost 5 years ago, it was one of the things that we said "we'll save up and replace these when we can".  They weren't awful green.  They were a pretty deep green.  I just didn't dig them.  Oh, and the red walls are going.  It was an experiment, and we liked them for awhile.  But red walls are tough to live with in a room that we spend SO much time in.  At least for us.  They're just so strong.

Tooter using the scraper to get up the mastic that was under the old wood flooring.  Before you go call DHS on us, this machine didn't move without being pushed, and that isn't a blade on the end.  It's like a shovel sort of thing that vibrates to help peel up well-stuck linoleum tiles.  The kids thought they were IT  getting to push the big floor machine thing.

There's nothing like high-powered big boy tools to make a girl feel like She-Ra.  Y'all remember She-Ra?  He-Man's sister or wife or girlfriend or something or other.  It was the 80's.  Cartoons.  You had to be there.  Obviously, I didn't pay extremely close attention.

From an email from SueSue

Our old history ends with the cross; our new history begins with the resurrection.

Easter Preview

To try to avoid stressing everyone out on Easter morning, I got the kids into their Easter duds yesterday and took them to the front of our neighborhood to take pictures.  Unfortunately, I couldn't really maneuver myself the way I needed to OR move them around like I wanted to.  But I got a few keepers here and there.  I don't think I got a true money shot of them together, but again, we had some limitations.  And I think I overdid things anyway.  No bleeding!!!  But, I just overdid it.  I know....  I know....  it was dumb.  I thought I was being so very careful.  I'm pretty much taking today completely off and will be resting on the couch.  Sparkie is still active and we used our home doppler thingy to check her heartbeat last night and everything seems to be fine.

Anyway, here are a few preview shots for Easter!

I'll get all the shots up on a site somewhere so the wonderful grandparents can see all of them.  :-)

Another FIRST!

It's hard to believe that she's old enough.  It's hard to believe that 5 1/2 years has passed since she was born.  It's hard to believe that she's about to have anything at ALL with the label of "adult" attached to it.

But all those things are true!  Poodle lost her first tooth today.  Barely an hour ago.  :-)

Just about 3 days ago, we were at the dentist for a checkup for her, and the doc said to not pull it quite yet, but that it was super close to coming out.  And, tonite - the Tooth Fairy Cometh!

Poodle, this past Friday, waiting for her dentist appointment to start.

Conversations with Poodle

Me:  Poodle, it's April Fool's Day.
Poodle:  Oooh!  So today is the day we get to play tricks on people?
Me:  Yep.
Poodle:  Play a trick on me now Mommy!
Me:  I will, but I can't until I know you're not expecting it.
Poodle:  Hmm.  Okay, I'll come back in a few minutes and tell you when I'm not expecting it.

Today's Update

Alrighty.  Overall, it's positive news, so yay!

I had my sonogram and the bleed measured 2.8cm.  I got some explanations as to the varying measurements, and it was accounted to different people doing the measuring, different machines, different positions of both me and the sonogram wand thingie.  Etc, and etc.  The 1.3 measurement, I think, was just an anomaly.  The problem comes with the fact that a 3D "thing" is being measured with a 2D measuring device.  It doesn't take much of a different angle to *really* change the measurement.  So, it's not that the bleed reduced a large amount and then got bigger.  (That would be bad).  The bleed simply hasn't changed much in size at all.  (That isn't nearly as bad as the other situation).  It appears that maybe the bleed (or hematoma or hemorrhage - all these terms are used interchangably) may be getting skinnier, even if it isn't getting any shorter.  And if that is true, then that does mean that it is resolving itself to some degree.  Which is a good thing!

If it isn't getting any smaller in any direction, then it's important to remember that it isn't getting bigger and Sparkie is growing appropriately.  So things are positive and I feel more positive.

Now.  I was mistaken about one thing.  I was under the impression that the hematoma was just in the uterus "somewhere".  That is incorrect.  It is actually between the placenta and the uterine wall and that is the primary reason that the OB is watching the area so closely.  Technically, it could cause a separation of the placenta, which would obviously be a bad thing.  But, then she went on to tell me that she has had a patient who went all the way to term with an 8cm hematoma and didn't have any problems.  So, having one doesn't have to mean bad things.

Because I'm not actually bleeding right now, the OB gave me a pass for 2 weeks this time.  (yay!)  I am still on limited activity, but it still isn't full bed rest - so that's good!  My sonographer, today, was more of a girly-girl with the sonogram, and she let me watch Sparkie have the hiccups and we looked at her widdle toes and saw her move her arms about.....  and it just felt more like these things used to feel.  You know what I mean?  Like back when Jmk and I would go in for those long awaited sonograms during our textbook pregnancies.  It was nice today.

So I feel better, much better actually.  Sweet Poodle asked me when I got home when I was going to be "normal" again (i.e. when I would be able to get up and just do whatever whenever) and I had to be honest and tell her that I didn't know.  That it may not be until after the baby gets here.  But, as usual, kids are resilient.  They will accept things as normal as long as Mom and Dad don't make them freak out about the abnormality of a situation.  So, I'm very glad to be feeling better about everything right now, because it will make it easier to be nonchalant for the kids.  And, because I'm beginning to feel more and more movement from Sparkie, that helps with the positive attitude.  It may be a looooong and limited summer, but then again, maybe it won't.  Doesn't matter.  Lord willing, at the end of summer, we will bring this sweet girl home and we can all get back to the "normal" that is The Zoo.

THANK YOU for every single prayer you have offered on our behalf.  God is answering them abundantly.  I still want to pray for the bleed to resolve itself, and if that isn't in God's plan, then for it to continue to be a non-issue with the health of the child.  Praise God for His mercy towards us!!!

God's answer to prayer

I have been praying for God to help me with my sense of peace and my ability to deal with our gestation situation appropriately.  I think there have been a LOT of prayers of that nature that have been said on our behalf.

Yesterday, Jmk's sweet Aunt Jennifer sent us an email and here was a portion of it:

But I know that fear is not "of God"...that fear is Satan's way of inching into our happy times, invading the holiness of our home and heart...and that is not a place you or Sparkey need to be now...

So, at the risk of sounding over-simplistic, tell Satan to "bug off" and quit robbing you of your joy.  I know you want the time to pass quickly to August, but these treasured days of carrying your little one are so necessary, for her to bond, for you to grow in love for her (as if what you already feel isn't enough!), and for your family to get ready for another member....

Relax and feel the loving arms of our Lord surround you, let His peace fill your heart and head, and know that you and Jason are riding the tidal wave of God, and all He asks is that you trust HIM and hang on.

 Then, I get to church this morning, and a sweet sister, Linda, used almost those EXACT SAME words when she talked to me.  She said that we can't let Satan rob us of our joy.  That fear isn't from God.

I can not tell you how precious it feels to have prayers answered like this.  For whatever reason, the "phraseology" that Jennifer used really spoke to my head and heart and has calmed me down to a great degree.  I have been repeating "fear is not of God" quite often since yesterday afternoon.  To be reminded that we NEED this time for bonding and growth of love was an important and timely reminder.

Thank you all so much for loving us.  For praying for us.  For being patient with me as I travel this rollercoaster and for praying for Jmk as he deals with me along with doing so much extra work for the family right now.  We love you all so much.

Oh, and I go back on Tuesday for another sonogram to check the hematoma area.  My specific prayer request is that the hematoma area measures smaller than last week.  Doesn't have to be gone.  Just smaller.  Thank you!!!

Another PG update. Hmm.

This morning, I had my "targeted ultrasound" (I think it may have some other fancy name like Level 2 or something along those lines, but I'm not sure), which was scheduled a month ago.  This ultrasound is recommended for women who qualify in the exclusive AMA program.  For those unfortunate pregnant women who don't qualify, there is still hope.  Just get pregnant after you are 35, and you too can be told you are of an Advanced Maternal Age, and you too can go through your pregnancy with the "you're old and your ovaries are pruning" cloud hanging over your head too!  Skipeedeedoo!!!

Sorry.  Got to brush the chip off my shoulder....  hold on.....

There.  Okay.  So, I was a good patient and went for this expensive targeted ultrasound as requested by my OB.  The purpose of this procedure is to give an actual M.D. the chance to take a close look at different things of the developing baby to see if there is a possibility of a variety of chromosomal issues and/or birth defects.  They check for markers for things like Down's Syndrome, Trisomy-18 (13? 21?), cleft palettes, spinal defects, hydrocephalus, other brain "issues", and some other things that I can't remember right now.

So, the wonderful news is that, according to appearances, Sparkie seems to be very healthy and doesn't have any markers for any future problems.  Of course, this doesn't mean there won't be problems, but medicine isn't an exact science no matter what they do.  Point is, so far so good.

The news that has me on edge is that when they measured the hematoma area, it measured larger than it ever did at the OB's office.  ::drumming my fingers on the keyboard as I try to figure out what to say::

Okay, here's the thing.  The likelihood that this measurement is more correct than the other measurements, I think, is pretty high.  This guy gets paid to see the two holes in the developing baby's heart (that are supposed to be there at this stage of the game) when the heart is the size of a pencil eraser. He likely measured the hematoma correctly.  Which means that the OB office's measurements are not 100% accurate.  BUT, we have to consider the fact that different people were doing the measuring, different machines were used, a different amount of time was spent on the ultrasound in general....  there are plenty of reasons for the discrepancies.  Plus, add to that, that no matter what the actual measurements are, the hematoma IS shrinking according to the sonograms from the OB.  At least, it did from Tuesday last week to this past Tuesday.

So, somewhere in my head, I understand that I don't need to get hung up on the actual measurements.  I need to focus on the overall picture.  My problem is that until I can get the OB's office to verify measurements, shrinkage, etc, I'm on edge.  I can't help it.  I'm nervous about whether or not the forward progression that we've made has actually reversed.

But, see, Sparkie's actual growth is right on target.  Her measurements are right on target.  She's apparently more limber than a Cirque du Soleil cast member.  (Not really a big deal for babies in utero, but it's still funny to look at).  Her heart is strong (praise God!) and whatever is going on with the hematoma isn't affecting her growth at all.  I don't have a good reason to be feeling nervous again.

Don't you wish you could still bend like this???  We called her our little baby taco.  Or baby fajita.  Mostly, I think we made the medical staff a little nervous about our overall state of mind.  Or maybe they just didn't appreciate our advanced sense of humor.  Ah-hem.

But I can't help it.  I just want to get this baby here and it seems like such a very, very long time between now and August.  And I know that God is in this - that if He wants this baby born, then she WILL be born no matter how many sub-chorionic hematoma/hemorrhages I develop.  But the lacking-in-faith, man-not-God-centered part of me that keeps making noise in my mind has me thinking about all the things that could go wrong.  It's not right - crazy in fact - and my head KNOWS it.  But I can't shake the worry from my heart.

I'll be more serious about my directives to take it easy until next Tuesday.  I enjoyed a wonderful sermon last night, but I will forgo the rest of the special meeting until Sunday morning.  And I will try my hardest to cooperate with Jmk when he tells me "stop - I've got this".  I'm close to feeling a little scared again, and I shouldn't.  I know I shouldn't.  UGH!!!

Speaking of Jmk, he was able to be there this morning.  My mom and dad took Tooter to Dad's office so that Poodle could come with us.  Jmk has had to miss all the many other sonograms that I have had during this pg, so it was SO nice for him to be able to see this one.  And, it was a good long one, so this was definitely the one to see!  And Poodle enjoyed it too, although I'll admit that she did get a little bored towards the end when it seemed like they kept doing the same thing over and over.  They weren't, of course, but it certainly seemed like that to a five year old.

Anyhoo, there's the latest.  We are as much in need of prayers as ever.  Maybe more for my peace of mind than the actual physical part of all of it.  I don't even know any more.  I just keep thinking about the first time that I'll get to hold this little girl, and I want so much to make it to that time.  We have no guarantee - but I can guarantee this.  Jmk and I will never, ever take for granted the miracle and blessing of a baby that is born alive and healthy.

Pray for us.  We need that more than you can imagine!

For the Grandparents (and Uncle David. And other loving relatives!)

Everyone else, I beg your forgiveness for the blatant bragging.  You really don't have to continue reading.  This is one of those times that I debated posting, but I knew I'd never remember to show this to all those people who would actually be interested, so this was the easiest way for me.

Poodle made a 100 on her math test today!!!  She hasn't made a 100 in a couple of months, so I was really excited for and with her.  I figure the grandparents and aunts and uncles (especially Uncle David and Aunt Leslie) would want to see what she's doing now, so I took a picture of her test.  The dumb machine that is supposed to scan won't do it for some reason, but hopefully this will sort of work.  (Click on the picture for an easier to read size).

Proud of you Poodle!!!

Gratuitous pictures of the monkeys

Because I haven't in a while.  :-)

Poodle was having her picture taken for the yearbook for our homeschool group after church.  So, I snapped a couple of the kids before we left.  

I'm pretty sure he was being a superhero of some sort for this picture.

Kindergarten Girl.  Hard to believe she's this grown up already.